I recently moved across the country with my husband and two little ones. We moved back to our old home in downtown Ottawa after a three year stint in the quiet mountains in BC. I had become an ‘expert’ at managing my stress and anxiety. I became a self-care guru, taking time-outs as I needed, going for regular massages, eating right, sleeping well. I was juggling a super full schedule of stay at home mama, student and entrepreneur and doing it really really well. I could handle anything!
Then we moved.
I had not anticipated how emotionally, physically and spiritually demanding and taxing it would be.
I thought I could sustain my same pace, but very quickly I put all work, play and studies on hold and reignited my love affair with sugary carbs. The week leading up to the move I visited my favourite cup cake shop three times in a row.
The chaos of moving boxes all around me and being plunked right back into the gritty, noisy and colourful hub of a major city was enough to gobble up all of my reserves. I had nothing left.
I was left exhausted, angry, short-tempered, ten pounds heavier and STRESSED OUT.
Instead of implementing all of the good habits I know serve me (sleep, greens, exercise, me-time), I totally and completely threw a silent hissy fit (well maybe not so silent). I REBELLED. I said Fuck it. Fuck it all.
Sugar, alcohol, caffeine. trashy tv, staying up late, eating out. Forget veggies, I opted for lattes and cookies. Oh it felt so good. In the moment.
But each morning I had to pull myself groggily out of bed, snapping at my kids, feeling like shit.
I kept saying to myself, ‘it’s okay, I need to be compassionate with myself, gentle with myself, this too shall pass, I’m just doing what I need to do’.
But really what I needed was a kick in the ass.
Because the problem is that these coping mechanisms quickly became unserving habits and turned my stress and what looked a little like depression into more stress.
So what’s a girl to do?
Since no one was volunteering to make the first move on my behalf, I had to take matters into my own hands. So I made a statement on Facebook. Hell Ya. I said Facebook. For me there is a strange accountability that comes with announcing something to the ‘world’.
This is what I wrote:
“It is time. Back on track, get this new life into high gear”.
That’s it.
But to me it meant that I was willing to look at myself again, look at ways to bring my supportive, nurturing habits back into play and let go of the stress-inducing, self-sabotaging coping mechanisms.
I was willing to ask the question, ‘What do I need to feel safe, supported and cared for in this moment?’.
Because when you nurture yourself, you fill up your reserves and then you can better serve those around you. This is a little something a dear friend calls ‘Serving from the Overflow’. When you are running on empty, there is nothing left to offer and it is so easy to fall into a self-defeating pattern that leaves you with your wheels spinning, with little kindness left for yourself or others.
But when you charge yourself up, you shine, you beam, you bubble over with love and kindness and life feels like you are going with the flow rather than against the current.
Now, I am not yet out of the woods and probably never will be. This is a daily, (sometimes an hourly!) practice. I commit to start each day right: set an intention, move my body, eat a good breakfast and make space throughout the day to pause and recharge. Looks for ways to have fun. Repeat. And life gets a whole lot easier.
I’d love to hear about how you nurture yourself and what happens when you don’t. How does stress rear its ugly head in your world? What patterns have you noticed? Head on over to the comments and share your story!
Until next time,
Keep Calm and Shine On.
Maria 🙂
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