I always had a pretty keen sense of what I didn’t want out of life, but figuring out what I DID want proved to be pretty difficult. What do I stand for? What do I love? What inspires me? What do I want? These questions proved to be quite elusive.
I wandered down the path of academia, earning a Master’s of Political Science and a degree in French Literature. I knew upon leaving school that I didn’t want to work in an office and be chained to a desk, in front of a computer, day in and day out.
So what did I do? I landed a spot with the Federal Government…hmmm nice desk.
I felt like I was crying and screaming inside. I could quell the noise for long periods of times, but every now and again it would spring out and send me into a tail spin.
I knew I wanted a different kind of life. I knew that I wanted to work for myself (I had schemed to open a hostel!, a coffee shop!, a yoga studio!, a health food store!, but none of the ideas panned out) and that I wanted flexibility in my life, but that was the extent of it. To support my path I took many personal growth and leadership courses and began yoga. I started to explore myself from a place of honesty and truth.
I moved to Ottawa, still with the feds in 2005. Within six months I signed up for Hatha Yoga teacher training and before the course was even done, I was teaching. Ever so slowly, like a soft whisper from my soul, I started down my path. I think I was scared and confused. This path deviated so greatly from the one I had been on and it felt risky. I was starting to take charge of my life in a way I never had before and it felt a little uncomfortable.
In 2007 and 2009 I gave birth to two magnificent red heads. Violet Rose and Cohen James. Each gave me the opportunity to see myself in a new light and really shook things up in ways I did not expect. I lost myself. My life felt chaotic and out of balance. I was grasping for control. I was short-tempered and incredibly sleep deprived.
They were my final wake up call. Is this really how I wanted to do life? What kind of life did I want to offer them? What kind of role model did I want to be? It was time to deeply listen and shake off the ‘shoulds’.
In 2010 I had the opportunity to step out of the life I had created while on maternity leave – we even settled in a new town, in a new province for awhile. When my son was about 8 months old I finally had the courage to throw out my old playbook. I declared to the universe that I was no longer going to allow time, money, energy or ‘rules’ dictate my path. ‘Shoulds’ and expectations would no longer govern me. I felt like I was in one of those ‘Choose Your Own Adventure Books’ that I loved so much as a child. I could go any direction I wanted.
Instead of focusing on what I didn’t want, I started to put together all of the clues of what I did want. I took time to be alone with myself, to write down the things that really juiced me up. I started to dance again. I started to spend time in nature again. I got some childcare. I put faith in the belief that I am supported and am able to manifest anything I want.
First things first, manifest a way out of my current job – Check. Then boldly answer my next calling: Kundalini Yoga teacher training – Check. And to top it all off: Eden Energy Medicine and Holistic Nutrition. Check and Check.
And then, grudgingly I admit, it was time to really move my shyte out of my way and I signed up for extensive long term mind-body therapy to clear out all of the nooks and crannies filled up with self-doubt, mistaken beliefs and childhood wounds and trauma. What a load off of my soul.
There is a word in Gurmuki that guides me, it is Suni-a. It means to deeply listen. This type of listening requires stillness, focus and, most importantly, openness. As I began to truly listen to what was true for me and let go of my old ‘rules’ I was able to create a life and lifestyle that really supported ME: my needs and my truth.
Now I have stepped fully onto my path. I threw society’s rules, my family’s rules, my own ingrained rules to the wind and embraced a new paradigm that required me to dig deep, dream big and be bold and brave. I unleashed the whispers of my soul and allowed them to resound ever so deeply throughout every corner of the universe.
I have let go of the chaos and reignited my life.
And here I am now, your personal Soul Shaker.
My intention is to help you move past the chaos, distractions, rules and shoulds of your life and find out what is really true for you. Let’s kick those mistaken beliefs and old paradigms to the curb and allow your truth to shine through. Let’s give that truth a platform from where it can be heard and seen in all of its brilliance.
Are you ready?
Click here to find out more about my soul shaker sessions.
Maria 🙂
