What parts of you are still missing? How can you find them, call them back home and reclaim them?
I don’t really have an answer for you – it is a very personal journey.
What is ringing through the collective consciousness now is that it is time to take that journey.
This morning at my alter, as I sat in the energy of the Muse for the second day, I realized that this aspect of myself has been squashed and shamed and judged. By my family, by certain friends that I chose and mostly, by myself.
The Muse is an Archetype brought forth in the lineage of the 13 Moon Mystery School. She is playful, coquetish, colourful, bright, elemental. She loves to sing and dance and move and laugh. She is spontaneous, creative, vulnerable and brings forth inspiration and magic.
When I was little I became painfully shy and withdrew from so many things I loved and held myself back. My first real memory of this is quitting dance class. I loved dance class, but I felt so self-conscious in my leotard, I felt fat. I was probably 6 or 7 years old. But I longed for the stage, I longed to perform, I longed to share my passions with a big crowd. But I shut this part of me down.
I also loved the water, I loved to play and splash and pretend I was a mermaid. But I felt silly and judged and again painfully uncomfortable in my body, ashamed of my form. So I would sit at the edge of the water on camping trips and watch my friends splash and play. I quit swimming lessons because I couldn’t stand being seen in a bathing suit.
In high school I desperately wanted to be in the school plays, but I wasn’t willing to let myself show up that big. So I settled for being on the stage crew. The cast would gather and play music and riff and laugh and I so self-consciously hid, wishing I could be like them.
As I grew older, I became more rigid in my movement, obsessed with being thin, resentful and held lots of hidden rage. I held back my playful, magical self for so many years.
In the last 10 years I have slowly started to unwind the shackles around my inner muse. I started dance classes again, I became a yoga teacher and I started crafting. Once I had kids I found myself resisting playing with them and would make excuses to do other things. But kids don’t put up with that kind of crap for very long! So I found myself crafting, storytelling and playing in nature.
Slowly the Muse archetype within me has found courage to take flight again and find her playful self. In my work I have found my stage leading women in ritual and teaching students how to come back to their truth, I have discovered my inner healer and Priestess. In my personal life I play with my kids, I colour, I make alters with rocks, sticks, shells, moss, and flowers. I dance and sing and I am cultivating playful friendships.
We wisely shut down when we are little ones in order to protect ourselves. We want love and acceptance and will do whatever it takes to get that. But as adults, especially in these times, it no longer works for us to hide.
Today I cried for the little girl who shut down this powerful part of her – through the pain, I reached out and brought her back home. Through my words being witnessed by those who resonate with me and my work, I reclaim her.
The Mantra of the Muse is: I Play, I Inspire.
I PLAY, I INSPIRE.
How powerful is that?
One of the ways I have supported myself in this journey is by coming together with women in circle. It has been scary and wild and fantastic. Deepening into divine feminine with other women is a powerful experience in being witnessed, held and seen. If you are ready for this support, look for one in your community. Or perhaps join a virtual Mastermind of like minded women? (Here is the link to the one I am a part of: The Magic of Circle led by the magnificent Sora Surya No)
And if you are so moved to work with me, in Ottawa I offer a monthly gathering with my friend Briana Lucila called the Sacred Sisterhood.
We gather for 2 hours, with activities, sharing, laughter, tears, music and meditation. It is a beautiful experience and I would love to have you join us. If you are not from Ottawa, reach out and find others who are awakening and can hold space with you and for you to reclaim all of those pieces that are yearning to come home.
With love, Maria 🙂
